Hey Guidesters! We’re back! 

Ever had an awful first impression? So bad that you could never get it out of your mind? Or instantly liking someone without even knowing why? This post will tackle character description: the first impressions of a writing world. Stay tuned for a roast letter, quirky examples and an easy contest coming right up, after some shoutouts. 

Sorry about the *ahem* unofficial summer break. My vacation has gone by in a blur of moving trucks, basketballs, and stick forts. But now, as the school year is in full swing, we’re resuming this writing tips series. Here’s a reminder of the last post (written by the amazing SEA): https://www.guidemagazine.org/stories/writing-tips-series-%e2%9c%a8character-motivation-%e2%9c%a8/

Let’s take a moment to spotlight some Guidesters who’ve been absolutely sizzling with creativity over the break.

Sprads, jojo and Miya K. have been a steady presence in the comments: encouraging other writers, interacting with the new stories, and being awesome cheerleaders. Keep it up, you guys!

While the summer has seen fewer story posts, we do have several talented writers who’ve added action-packed reads for our vacation months. JULIA ASSIS’s Run from War and Sunny Rover series have been staples, along with First Seven Days of School by Selena Woods,Life at this New School by LegoSophia, SummerSky’sVeil of Susa, and (back in August) Llamadrama’s multiple series! I’m looking forward to seeing all these stories continue into the fall.

Alright, *cracks knuckles*. Let’s kick off today’s tip with an example! Make sure to log your first impression of the paragraph below.

From the moment she stepped into the store, I knew she would be trouble. Sometimes you can tell the character of a person by how they look. This was one of those times. She was medium height with an oval face, tidy brown hair, smooth skin, a prim mouth and an impeccable dress. She walked over to one of our clerks and introduced herself as Miss Violeta Kristy . . . 

Okay, got your thoughts locked in? Drop your honest feedback in the comments. 

This is a description I wrote (at age 11-ish) for a short story, and it is an amazing example . . . of how not to introduce your characters. Yawn! (Sorry, mini-Jo . . . you’ve got a lot to learn. In fact, I’m going to dedicate this critique to you.)

           **** —— *****

To: 11-Year-Old Jo. 

Subject: Complaint about Violeta Kristy

Dear mini-Jo,

I read your short story snippet. We’ve gotta talk. 

I’ve got a lot of problems with this, but here are the main ones.

1. Boring listing. This paragraph reads like a police suspect report. “Medium height, oval face, impeccable dress . . .”?  What? You wrote a bland, mashed-potato list of traits without actually giving us readers a true image of the character and what makes them unique/important. Plus, I can’t remember all the details you shoehorned into a single sentence! It’s too much!
2. Too much telling. You completely disregarded the Show, Don’t Tell series advice! Instead of letting us see Ms. Kristy’s dialogue or attitudes, you gave a vague info-dump. “She looks like she’s going to be trouble. She has a prim mouth.” Yeesh! We don’t see Ms. Kristy stirring up trouble. We don’t see her neatness or formality. And what does a ‘prim mouth’ even mean? You told us what to think about Violeta instead of letting us make our own opinions on her.
3. Too many adjectives. I’m being a bit picky on this one, but notice how many adjectives you use in a single sentence? Seven! Instead of loading your description with hair colour, face shape and height measurements, just use some actions to add some contrast. You could write phrases like: “Ms. Kristy swept a speck of lint off her crisp jumpsuit”  or “Ms. Kristy’s face wrinkled under her thick makeup,”  and that would give more variety while still showcasing the key details.

Sorry, Jo. For what it’s worth, you tried to give specific details . . . so there’s that. But you’ve got a lot to work on. Take my advice, practice more, and then send me a revised copy.

Sincerely,

Older Jo.

**** —— *****

Now that we’ve Simon-Cowell-style roasted an example, let’s break down what makes a good character description so we can wow readers with golden-buzzer talent.

Character descriptions are the writing equivalent of an audition. Your readers are the judges: they’re assessing your character’s name, style, behaviour and words, to create a snap opinion about whether to like or dislike them. 

Each character description must: 

• Show the character’s importance
• Display the character’s personality
• Give readers an opportunity to make a quick first impression of your character

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The acronym MUFASA (which I just made up on the spot) can help your characters shine through their audition. 

• Make every detail meaningful

Who cares if your character has blue eyes, or freckles, or a crooked nose? What readers care about is the stories behind their looks. Show us how the character feels about how they look/talk/walk/act. How do others react to them? Tell us the story behind that scar on their eyebrow, or the jagged length of their hair, or why they only speak in whispery tones.

And zone in on the traits that are important for your story. For example, in the story of Rapunzel, we learn that the princess has long hair and an amazing singing voice. That’s important to the plot because her singing and hair are what connect her to the prince and the outside world. So, either limit the number of extra random details, or give each detail a deep significance to the character/story.

• Use a unique perspective

Try having a character’s childhood enemy describe them. That description is going to be very different from how a mom or a doctor or a paramedic would describe the same person. How a person describes others can tell you a lot about not only the describe, but the describer. (Huh, I hope that makes sense. More on this topic coming soon.)

• Fuse concrete and intangible traits

Concrete traits are how your character physically looks/moves/talks, etc. Intangible ones are their personality/worldview/dislikes, and so on. Using a mixture of these elements in your description will make your character leap of the page with vividness. 

• Activate the senses

Don’t feel like you only have to describe how a character looks. You can explain how their laugh is high and tinkly like a windchime, or mention how they always smell like leather and dry hay. You can point out the cadence of their speech: whether it’s slow and drawly, short and clipped, or firm and deep. Be creative: using sensory cues will truly make your description come alive.

• Stay snappy

It’s better to give only a few memorable details at a time than overload your readers with too much information. There’s always time to layer more details in as your story progresses. 

• Action is your friend. 

Instead of just using lists to show your character’s traits, introduce them in action. Maybe their dark ‘Fro is bouncing as they skip down the street. Maybe they’re opening presents, only to find that the clothes their grandparents sent them are too small since they just had a growth spurt. Give us a story/an action sequence, and then drop descriptive gems and thoughts into it. 

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And there you have it. MUFASA in a nutshell: Meaningful details, Unique perspectives, Fuse traits, Activate senses, Action always. 

Takes a deep breath Wow. That was a wild ride. Is your brain hurting from all that information? Mine is. Or maybe you have more questions. 

So . . . maybe you’re wondering: “How can I give my character an interesting description in first-person? It’s not easy to show how a person looks from within their mind.” Or maybe you want to see some more examples of good character descriptions. Well . . . I’ve got good news and bad news. 

 Bad news first: this post is getting quite long, so I’ll have to make a follow-up. 

Good news: I’m holding a contest. Send in your favourite character descriptions (either something you’ve written or something you’ve read) for a chance for them to be featured in the next post! 

Coming soon: we’ll dive into some juicy POV questions, spotlight your favourite descriptions, try some challenges, and explain how description can reveal backstory. Stay tuned! And be sure to drop any questions, thoughts or suggestions in the comments.

 Until next time, happy writing Guidesters!