The Apple of Your i

Throughout history the apple has been associated with a wide range of items and experiences. Eve comes immediately to mind, though it turns out that thinking the forbidden fruit was an apple is pure urban legend. (Well, maybe it was more rural legend, but you get my point.)

Until recently the apple brought back painful memories of school sack lunch disappointment. You thought Mom had packed a Sugar Supreme snack cake for your dessert, but it turned out to be an apple! The emotional fallout from such a repeated traumatic experience can take years of therapy to fix.

Today the word “apple” conjures up images of a vast array of leading-edge digital devices. As a service to Guide readers, I will now share iDeas for products that you can develop in your own basement or garage that are sure to reap astonishing financial rewards. (I expect you to divert much of your newfound income to your parents, who deserve it and won’t spend it all in one place, unless they happen to be paying your church school tuition bill, of course).

The iPit. Due to its lack of comlex engineering, this should be considered a starter project. The iPit can be made from various materials that can be found lying around your house. (Lazy siblings should not be considered a “material.”) A shoebox works nicely. The device is simply a container whose primary function is to rapidly dispose of discarded candy bar wrappers and rotting fruit skins. Using a chopstick, you may wish to poke a hole in the iPit and plug in earbuds to lend an electronic touch to the device. You may also make one-inch slits in the back of the iPit and wear it on your belt.

The iPoke. It can be quite challenging to express your feelings when severely annoyed by a classmate sitting on the far side of your homeroom. That’s where the iPoke can help. This unique telescoping instrument can be constructed from three-foot sections of plastic plumbing pipe, one size fitting inside another. When severely annoyed by a classmate, simply extend the iPoke to the necessary distance and begin poking. The actual poking distance is limited only by your iMagination.

The iPark. This is the largest device, even though no materials are actually required. The iPark is created by running madly through any nearby recreational area (city, county, state, or national) and screaming “Run for your lives! They’re coming! Run for your lives!” Within moments you will have the entire acreage cleared of bullies, babies, sleep-deprived moms, and everybody else within the sound of your voice. You will have the iPark all to yourself.

Aren’t these projects cool? I mean, they are so, well, all about you. Why, they make you the center of everything, which is really great! Oh, sure, Jesus was all about making God and others the center of attention, but that was then and now is now, right?

H’mmm. Maybe I’d better check out this subject in the Bible again. Yeah, iThink so.

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The Apple of Your i

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