Every once in a while I come up with a brilliant self-improvement technique. OK, maybe it was just once, and this is it. But let me tell you, this idea is going to make up for all the others I didn’t think of.

You know how when you meet someone and later you can’t remember the person’s name? That is sooo embarrassing, especially when you’re married to that individual.

Well, using my breakthrough program, Greater Recall Employing Associative Sensory Experiences, or GREASE, you can kiss forgetfulness goodbye, though I wouldn’t do it in public.

Here’s how the program works. Let’s say you are introduced to a girl named Angelica Jolly. It goes something like this: “Lars, I’d like you to meet Angelica. Angelica, this is Lars.”

You reach out your hand to greet Angelica, and she says something to you. But you have trouble understanding her, because Angelica’s incredibly thick, red lipstick seems to be gluing her lips together. This is your moment to create a memory device. In this case, you do this by associating the girl’s affection for tacky-looking lip paint with her name. Rhyming works best, so something like this might be good:

ANGELICA’s words sound much like blips,

Because they cannot slide through her lips.

Here’s another example of how GREASE can make a huge difference in your life.

Say you’re in the lunchroom at school. You sit down next to the new student, whose name you cannot remember. A conversation follows.

“Hi there,” you say. “My name is [fill in the blank]. What’s yours?”

“Milo Finster.”

“Wow, Milo,” you say, “that’s quite a sandwich you have there. What’s in it?”

“Fried eggs, cole slaw, marshmallows, and vegetarian baked beans. Wanna see it?” Milo asks.

Aha! This is the action moment you’ve been looking for! You study the sandwich, allowing its one-of-a-kind fragrance to waft slowly upward, directly into your nostrils. Suddenly you have your memory device in mind:

MILO’s sandwich sure did the trick,

I know for sure that I’ll be sick.

Now every time you see this person you may feel like throwing up, but at least you will remember their name. That’s the beauty of diving headfirst into GREASE.

A third example should really convince you that my program is unsurpassed.

At your Pathfinder meeting, a new recruit shows up.

“Pathfinders, I’d like you to meet Corvetta Carson,” your Pathfinder leader announces. “Corvetta is my neighbor, and I thought she’d enjoy being a part of our club.”

Corvetta smiles shyly, then speaks.

“I want to thank you for letting me join Pathfinders,” she says, still smiling. Then she adds, “I’m not a member of your church, but I’ll try and be a good Pathfinder and friend.”

H’mmm, you think. How can I remember her name? Then it hits you, and you quickly commit your memory device to, well, memory: CORVETTA opened her heart up to us,

I’ll be her friend—no trouble, no fuss.

Hey, wouldn’t it be a good idea to always associate something wonderful with people’s names? In the process, others might come to associate you with actions such as reaching out and caring for others.

Oh boy. I’d better stop right here. This GREASE is getting mushy . . .