What’s Wrong With You?

What's Wrong With You?

Today I’ve decided to, like, write about some of my, like, pet peeves.

Pet peeves are, like, things that I find, like, really annoying. I’m going to, like, challenge you to see if you can, like, figure out what they are.

Just the other day I saw a car with a little yellow sign attached by a suction cup to the inside of a minivan’s rear window. Whew! I thought, wiping my brow. That was a close one! I’d spent all morning creating a no-fail plan to plow into the rear of that minivan at 70 miles per hour, but not now—no way! The moment I spotted that “BABY ON BOARD” sign I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I slowed down until there was 50 miles between our cars.

With nothing much to do now, I turned on National Public Radio.

“What exactly does your research show about how climate change is impacting the bogs in northern Scotland?” asked the host.

“So, my research made it clear that all Scottish bogs will soon catch fire.”

“But Professor Brainstem, what will be the likely outcome of such a development?”

“So, the entire United Kingdom will go up in smoke.”

“What recommendations are you making?”

“So, everyone in that region should carry a fire extinguisher at all times.”

“How do you think the average citizen will react?”

“So, the response will probably be so-so, though I so wish it could be so much different.”

So now we move on. (Oops.)

Although NPR has much to offer, so do Ad-VENT-ist radio stations and TV networks. Indeed, in the matter of media, the Seventh-day Ad-VENT-ist church probably outshines both the Me-THOD-ist and Lu-THER-an Churches combined!

Now, let me just—whoa, what’s that sound? A 787 jetliner must be buzzing the building! No, wait, it’s not an aircraft after all. Someone a few doors down is sucking the last remnants of their drink through a straw. I should have known that a jetliner couldn’t possibly have caused this much damage to my eardrums and nervous system.

Regarding the spiritual message of this particular Good Humor Guy column, I had wanted to explore Luke 21:28: “When these things begin to take place . . . lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.” But then I realized that many of you cannot lift up your heads, because the vertebrae in your neck have become permanently fused in a downward position. This is the result of staring at your smartphone screen for the past seven months. I do have to say that the crease in your head that you got from walking into a steel lamppost makes a great conversation starter, though.

Yep, some peoples’ speech and behavior drives me nuts! About the only thing that seems to change my attitude are those times when God reminds me of Matthew 7:3: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Um, yeah, well, OK, I guess I probably do a few things that annoy people too. I’m better off focusing on Jesus rather than seeing the faults in others. I’d hate to miss out on heaven because I was too busy criticizing someone. Now that would be really annoying.

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What’s Wrong With You?

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