You would not believe the number of people who seek me out for fashion advice. The number is zero, which is pretty hard for me to believe too. I mean, through the years I’ve turned quite a few heads with some of my fashion statements. Based on their reactions, many people simply could not believe what they were seeing.
Sometimes my look takes people’s breath away, which is especially welcome if they have been eating lots of garlic.
Recently I needed new eyeglasses. This time I’m really gonna shake things up, I told myself. For years I’d had the ubiquitous wire frames, which are about as original as a paper clip. So the search for some really wild frames began.
It turns out that most people are pretty satisfied with a lack of originality in eyeglasses. In the marketplace there exists one pair of unusual frames for approximately every 45,000 pairs of really boring ones.
At one establishment I found the perfect frames: dark burnished metal that made me look really cool. Then I looked at the price tag.
After emergency personnel had resuscitated me, I placed the burnished metal frames back on the rack. I’m a plastic kind of guy anyway, I told myself.
The first pair I tried on made me look like somebody I knew, but I couldn’t remember who it was. Oh yeah, I thought, my fifth-grade teacher. But for some reason they looked better on her.
Finally I settled on a pair of tortoise-shell frames that now have some passersby doing a double-take, having mistaken me for Harry Potter with a goatee.
It’s clear that not everybody thinks my new specs have enhanced my look. Indeed, it can be entertaining to see colleagues sweat bullets trying to come up with just the right commentary.
“It’s great that you’re so committed to preserving the environment. Not too many people would think of recycling ships’ porthole windows into eyeglasses.”
“Wow, those new specs really make you look . . . Yessirree, they sure do.”
Some folks are so stunned that they can barely form a coherent sentence.
“Eye . . . see . . . new . . . glass . . . wear . . . Wh-what I mean is, uh, I can see lots of new glassware, um, whenever I go to Walmart.”
Fashion aside, the real benefit to my new eyeglasses is that I can see more clearly than I did before. No, they don’t help me see everything more clearly, especially certain heavenly things. According to 1 Corinthians 13:12 (KJV), right now “we see through a glass, darkly,” but when Jesus returns we’ll enjoy vastly increased spiritual vision. That’s bound to help us not only understand God’s ways better but also give us further reason to celebrate His grace.
All told, I’m pretty satisfied with my new look. I’ve noticed more and more Hollywood stars wearing really goofy, er, I mean, good-looking glasses. So far, it’s all working out to my advantage. Well, it was a little annoying last week when someone asked me why I was wearing two doughnuts on my face, but they probably just needed new glasses or something.