Hi guys! It’s Mayjaya! The author of Micheal’s Big Mistake!
Some of you may not remember, but I invite you to read the last two chapters of this story before reading this one. Especially for those who are new to Guide magazine.
Oh! I’m also extremely sorry for not posting for sooo long. The last time I wrote was… 7 months ago?. I don’t remember…
Anyways. Here is Chapter Four of Micheal’s Big Mistake! Enjoy! ❤️💖❤️
The two of them continued talking. At 6:23 pm, they each went to their own homes.
They agreed to have another date at the fair in one week. On the way home Micheal felt dizzy and after only two minutes he collapsed unconscious.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Micheal slowly woke up to the sound of beeping machines. He looked to the side and saw Ryleina watching him anxiously.
“Doctor Siu! Micheal is awake!”
The doctor came in with a clipboard.
“Hello Micheal! I assume you wonder why you are in the hospital.” Michael nodded.
“After taking some tests, we found out that your coffee had been poisoned.”
Micheal looked at the doctor as if she spoke Chinese. He blinked twice.
“I know this is a lot to take in, so I’ll give you some time to rest,” said Dr. Siu.
The doctor left the room, leaving Micheal speechless. Micheal turned to Ryleina.
“What in the actual world just happened?”
Ryleina sighed. “The police are already investigating… and they said… There is a small chance you will survive.”
Micheal turned pale. “So.. So I’m just going to what? Not make it?”
“Not exactly. You might be paralyzed or start developing cancer, but these are only extreme cases.”
Micheal blinked at her then stared at the ceiling, questioning every life choice that led him to this day. He finally remembered what God said, and its meaning. He took a deep breath and prepared to tell Ryleina the truth.
“Look… I was raised in a home where I should not be dating in my teenage years. At least not in high school. So… let’s just say… God tried to stop me.” Micheal said, looking sheepish and embarrassed.
Ryleina stared at him for a minute, her expression blank. Then her eyes blazed with pure fury. She speaks with a calm but icy tone. “So… You’re just there, doing something against your family rules, and then you just drop that like it’s nothing?”
Micheal stared at his hands and kept quiet. Ryleina stood up and turned to leave.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, goodbye Micheal.”
Poor Micheal. He is in even more trouble now. What will he do?
I hope you liked chapter Four! May I please ask you a favor? Please rate my story from 1 to 10 (be honest) and give me ideas for more improvement on my writing skills or naration or how the story continues.
Thankyou!
8 thoughts on “Micheal’s Big Mistake, Chapter 4”
Ive been waiting for this! 😁
❤️❤️
I’d rate your story a 7. But I feel like something you can do better is fill in some potholes, like, how did Ryleina end up at the hospital with Michael if the both went to their own homes? Did she stop by his house again? Did his parents call her? Or did all of this happen after their date at the fair? When and where did he drink coffee?
Another thing you can do better is not putting a period after every sentence; here is an example.
Instead of:
Micheal stared at his hands and kept quiet. Ryleina stood up and turned to leave.
You can say:
Michael stared at his hands and kept quiet as Ryleina stood up and turned to leave.
PS: I hope I don’t sound judgemental…pls let me know if I do. But I do like your story! 👍🏽
OMG! thankyou so so so much!
I rly like the story! Is Micheal not allowed to date and he did it in private? 8.5/10 bc I think like JayneTheGuidester said, it needs a few more details. I love the story line tho!
Thankyou
7/10, I like the writing! I just have one question: Are you saying that God poisoned Micheal’s coffee? From the past conversations, it left my mind with two options: one, that God poisoned Micheal’s coffee to stop him, or two, God didn’t want him to date because He knew that would happen.
Second option