From the Archive

The Stinkiest Skunk I Never Saw

Written by Ashley Clifford and Krystal Epps
Illustrated by Led Pants

Rachel, be careful," Krystal called out.

"Oh, stop worrying about me," Rachel replied.

I just shook my head and carefully settled myself on a branch right below Krystal. Both girls were my cousins, and we were enjoying climbing a tree at my house. My sister Brittany had also joined in the fun.

"Rachel, really, be careful. Don't fall," Krystal urged.

"Why are you so worried?" I asked.

"Rachel isn't an experienced climber, and it's almost dark," Krystal explained. "And she's wearing a dress, which doesn't help matters any."

"So are you," I pointed out.

"But I'm an expert tree climber. Well, almost, anyway."

At last Rachel found a secure spot in the tree, and the four of us began talking as darkness gathered. A few minutes later Courtney, my other sister, came outside and began making her way up the tree. She was between Krystal and me when Brittany asked casually, "Hey, what's that?"

"What?" we all questioned, nearly in unison.

"Down there, by that other tree. It looks like a little black-and-white dog."

"Is it a cat?" I asked. We all swung back and forth, trying to peer through the branches and darkness.

"No, it's too big to be a cat," Brittany answered. "Maybe it's Touch. (Touch is our border collie.) No, it's too small."

The creature looked up at us. Suddenly Brittany burst out, "Hey, I think it's a skunk!"

Could it be? A skunk had sprayed Touch just the previous night. It was probably still in the neighborhood!

Quickly we began a stampede down the tree. We blindly descended, feeling for branches to put our feet on. The air was filled with the sound of snapping branches and painful cries.

"Ouch!" Brittany yelled. "Krystal, you're stepping on my finger!"

"Sorry."

"Can you see the skunk?" Rachel asked.

"No. Let me get past you," Krystal demanded.

Krystal succeeded in passing Courtney and Brittany and began making her way past me. Finally Rachel and Krystal sat on the lowest branch, peering through the darkness. "Oh, this is just great," Rachel said sarcastically. "Five kids treed by a skunk."

"Hey, if we get sprayed, we'll have a great story to tell," Krystal asserted.

"Krystal!"

"Well, I've never been sprayed by a skunk before," Krystal pointed out.

We all strained our eyes, looking for movement. Had we scared the creature away?

"Shhh!" Rachel commanded. "Let's listen. Maybe it will come back out." We all fell silent and listened. Then we heard some rustling sounds.

"You guys," Krystal said shakily, "I think it's at the base of our tree!" She scanned the menacing shadows directly below.

"I heard that skunks can spray as far away as 15 feet!" Brittany whispered. "We're in big trouble!"

"Oh, please, God," Rachel prayed softly, "don't let us get sprayed!"

"Help!" Courtney suddenly cried out. "We're trapped!"

"Be quiet!" I ordered.

"Yeah. If you yell like that, someone's going to call the police, and then we'd receive too much attention," Rachel warned.

"OK, everyone be quiet," I said, trying to take command of the situation. "Let's try again to see where it is. Then if it's far enough away, someone can jump down and get a flashlight from the house." We all decided it was a good idea, and we listened for the slightest movement. But whenever we began to hear a soft footstep, someone would say something, laugh, or break bark off the tree. Our plan wasn't working.

"You know, this is stupid," Krystal said finally. "I'm jumping down." She proceeded to try to pass Rachel on the branch.

"No, Krystal, don't!" Rachel cried, grasping Krystal's shirt. Krystal struggled to get past her, wobbling precariously in the air, while Rachel tried to block the way. Which would be worse, I wondered, dying of suffocation from skunk spray or falling over backward and breaking my neck?

Krystal's plan was to jump down, go the opposite direction of the bush she was pretty sure the skunk was in, and then that would be it. Simple. But just when she was about to jump down, something began coming out of the bushes.

"There it is!" we all shouted. This was it. The skunk was going to spray us all. We'd suffocate, or at least we'd stink for a long time. We all stared down at the revolting creature with wide eyes, knowing we were seconds from our doom.

Suddenly someone shouted, "It's Emily!"

"Emily?" I said. "You mean Brittany's cat?"

As the animal came out of the shadows we saw it clearly. It was my sister's cat. "It's Emily, all right," I called out. Well, at least we weren't going to be sprayed.

Emily sat for a moment staring up at us as if we were stupid. Then she walked away.

"Well, there's our skunk," I said. We all started laughing. Jumping down, we all made our way along our planned escape route just in case there was a skunk after all.

"I can't believe what just happened," I mumbled as I picked my way past the bushes. "Things aren't always what they seem, that's for sure."

"I still say getting sprayed by a skunk would have made a good story," Krystal said.

Personally, I like the way the story ended a whole lot better.