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TOPIC: wannabewritergirl’s stories and such

wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 3 weeks ago #117440

Hi everyone. This topic is for me to get help from y’all regarding my stories. Currently, I’m writing a story about Daniel and his three friends going into captivity. It’s a twist on the actual story and takes place in the fictional country Medopia (The country name might change anytime, everything about the story might change. Character names etc.) Anyways, please tell me what you think about this story. Dathan is Daniel. Matvi, Reffer, and Bryke is Haniniah, Michael, and Azariah. Reffer and Bryke are the two main characters. I’ve made Bryke a girl, because I though having a girl perspective would be cool. And also because I’m really bad at writing boy perspectives. Anyways, here’s what I’ve written so far. Constructive Criticism welcome. In Bible times, this is when the Babylonians have captured Daniel and his friends. Also, I need something to call God in this story. Some anologies have called him “The unseen one” But right now, I’m just referring to him as The True God.

Not going to keep you from my story any longer, so here!


A sullen crowd was chained up in a huge courtyard. It was hard to believe that just hours ago they were all dancing and partying. At the end of the long line of captives, Reffer stood shackled between his friends Matvi and Dathan. He prayed with all his heart that his sister had perhaps escaped this cruel fate. But all hope fled when a familiar voice echoed through the courtyard.

“I can walk myself! Is this the way to treat a la–” The voice was suddenly cut off, followed by a resounding slap. Reffer bridled with anger, how dare that dirty scum touch his sister. But there was nothing he could do. Resentment building, his hand clenched into a fist. The soldier shoved Bryke into the line and chained her to Matvi.

As the soldier stalked away, Reffer leaned around Matvi and whispered to Bryke. With apparent worry, he asked, “All you alright?”

Bryke turned away from him so he couldn’t see the beginning of a dark bruise blossoming on her right cheek, “I’m alright, he didn’t hit me very hard.”

Even in the dim smoky courtyard, Reffer could see the welt forming on her cheek.

“How did the soldiers find you? And where is father?”

As one of the nobles in King Cavendular’s court, their father would have been at the party with Reffer and Bryke if he hadn’t been feeling unwell. Bryke had stayed at home to help the servants care for their father instead of joining the party with the other young ladies. As believers of The True God, they had never enjoyed those parties, as they often were dedicated to the goddess Shairvi or the god Sataarn, but attendance to all of the King’s parties were required of all nobles and their families.

When Reffer asked of their father, Bryke’s expression had changed immediately, and tears began streaming down her cheek. Bryke had always been a brave child, and even somewhat stoic, so Reffer was appalled to see his sister reduced to this. Bryke struggled to find the right words, “Father is dead.”

Dead, Their father was dead. He hadn’t been that sick when he left for the party. How could he be dead? Reffer’s mind spun with questions. He didn’t dare believe that their father was dead.

“How?” He asked.

But before his sister could answer, agentle nudge from Dathan warned Reffer of the guard heading his way, and he shifted away from Bryke. As the soldier strode up to them, Reffer felt a sudden burst of rebellion and he spit at the soldier. To the angry captive’s satisfaction, the spit landed on the soldier’s face.

“You insolent cur!”

The guard manhandled Reffer to the ground, and raised his fist to strike him. Bracing himself for the blow that was sure to come, Reffer stiffened and mentally steeling himself. Bryke closed her eyes, she couldn’t bear to watch the guard beat her brother. She couldn’t bear to lose another loved one, first their mother, who had died giving birth to a stillborn, then their father. But the guard never striked the boy. Bringing himself to look up, Reffer saw that another soldier, most likely the guard’s superior had motioned for him. The soldier glared at Reffer with fury in his eyes, and although one could tell he really wanted to punish Reffer, he turned and strode away.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 2 weeks ago #117531

Btw, right now you’re probably reading a very outdated version of my story. Lol. What I was going to say was, I need a title as well.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 2 weeks ago #117546

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Fascinating :cheer:
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 2 weeks ago #117654

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wannabewritergirl wrote:
Btw, right now you’re probably reading a very outdated version of my story. Lol. What I was going to say was, I need a title as well.
Outdated? This is so good! Please write more, I love this!!!
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 2 weeks ago #117699

sci_geeek wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
Btw, right now you’re probably reading a very outdated version of my story. Lol. What I was going to say was, I need a title as well.
Outdated? This is so good! Please write more, I love this!!!
Thank-you, I've already written more, It's now has over 1500 + words. I'll post more soon.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 2 weeks ago #117760

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wannabewritergirl wrote:
sci_geeek wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
Btw, right now you’re probably reading a very outdated version of my story. Lol. What I was going to say was, I need a title as well.
Outdated? This is so good! Please write more, I love this!!!
Thank-you, I've already written more, It's now has over 1500 + words. I'll post more soon.
Can't wait :cheer:
melancholic/sanguine ~ infp 4 ~ rluan

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"what's past is prologue." - william shakespeare
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 6 days ago #118265

Here is the full chapter, everyone. It's quite different than what you read several days ago. Please tell me what you think about it, and let me know if there is anything I can work on. Without further ado........drumroll......

CHAPTER 1

The sky was bright, but the weather was unusually cool. On days like this, when it wasn’t too hot, children could be seen playing on the streets. But it was a sullen crowd that stood chained up in the huge courtyard. It was hard to believe that just hours ago they had all been dancing, partying and drinking. The King had thrown a lavish party to honour the great Goddess Shavii, which was one of the reasons why their city had been so easy to capture. All the good men were in the King’s court, and they had all gotten terribly drunk. There was always plenty of wine provided at such parties.

At the end of the long line of captives, Reffer stood shackled between his friends Cador and Dathan. He prayed with all his heart that his sister had perhaps escaped this cruel fate. But all hope fled when a familiar face was spotted being escorted into the courtyard.

Bryke walked brisk and quick, her expression composed.

The soldier shoved Bryke into the line and roughly fastened bronze cuffs to her ankles and wrists, chaining her to Cador. Reffer bridled with anger, how dare that filthy scum touch his sister. But there was nothing he could do.

As the soldier stalked away, Reffer leaned around Cador and whispered to Bryke. With apparent worry, he asked, “All you alright?”

Bryke turned away from him so he couldn’t see the beginning of a dark bruise blossoming on her right cheek, “I’m alright.”

But even in the dim smoky courtyard, Reffer could see the purple welt forming on her cheek. One of those soldiers must’ve hit her. Anger building, his hand clenched into a fist.

“How did the soldiers find you? And where is father?”

As one of the nobles in King Mohiakim’s court, their father would have been at the party with Reffer if he hadn’t been feeling unwell. Bryke had stayed at home to help the servants care for their father instead of joining the party with the other young ladies. As believers of The True One, they had never enjoyed those parties, as they often were dedicated to the god Sataarn or in this case, the goddess Shavii, but attendance to all of the King’s parties was required of all nobles and their families.

When Reffer asked about their father, Bryke’s expression had changed immediately, and tears began streaming down her cheek. Bryke had always been a brave child, and even somewhat stoic, so Reffer was appalled to see his sister reduced to this. Bryke struggled to find the right words, “Father is dead.”

Dead, Father was dead. He hadn’t been that sick when I left for the party. How could he be dead? Reffer’s mind spun with questions. He didn’t dare believe that their father was dead, it just couldn’t be. It must’ve been something else.

“How?” He asked, fearing the worst of answers.

But before his sister could answer, a gentle nudge from Dathan warned Reffer of the guard heading his way, and he shifted away from Bryke. As the soldier strode up to them, Reffer felt a sudden burst of resentment and he spat at the soldier. To the angry captive’s satisfaction, the spit landed on the soldier’s face.

“You insolent cur!”

The guard instantly manhandled Reffer to the ground, and raised his fist to strike him. Bracing himself for the blow that was sure to come, Reffer stiffened and mentally steeling himself. Bryke closed her eyes, she couldn’t bear to watch the guard beat her brother. She wouldn’t be able to stand losing another loved one, first their mother, who had died giving birth to a stillborn, then their father. But the guard never striked the boy. Bringing himself to look up, Reffer saw that another soldier, most likely the guard’s superior, had motioned for him. The soldier glared at Reffer with fury in his eyes, and although one could tell he really wanted to punish Reffer, he turned and strode away. But not before sending a painful kick to his ribs.



Once it was decided that Reffer wasn’t seriously hurt, Bryke felt relief, then anger and fear. It was just pure luck that the soldier didn’t strike Reffer and kill him. Maserian Soldiers don’t take insults from captives lightly. Suddenly, she found herself back in her father’s room.

“Bryke, you need to get out of here. Now.”

Bryke shook her head violently, “I won’t leave you father, I can’t!”

“If the Maserian soldiers come, they will most certainly kill me, you must go and hide.”

“But what about Reffer?”

The sick man coughed, “He’s most likely been captured already. Now go!”

The screams of the servants pierced the air, then there were heavy footsteps and the door flung open. Two Maserian soldiers barged into the room.

“Out the window!” Father hissed. Bryke rushed toward the window, but hesitated to climb out. It just didn’t seem right to leave her sick father to the mercy of those soldiers.

Seeing that she was about to escape, one of the Maserians exclaimed, “You take care of the man, If he resists, you know what to do. I’ll take care of the girl.”

The other soldier nodded in acknowledgment. As the soldier neared Father, Father spat on the soldier. Fury in his eyes, the soldier lunged at her father.

That was the last that she saw of her father, the soldier was nearing her, so Bryke crawled out of the window, and climbed down the tree that grew there. Freedom was only short lived, as she was quickly surrounded by more Maserians on the ground. A strangled cry came from the window above her. Her face grew pale, but the soldiers just laughed. “No,” Bryke whispered to herself, “No,” She began to tremble and shake, those dirty mongrels had killed her father.

A gentle hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality.

“Are you alright?” Cador asked, concerned, “You started trembling all of a sudden.”

Bryke wiped her misty eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m fine…..I, I was just thinking.” Her hand reached down to smooth her dress. The light blue dress was dusty and there was a tear on the left side, but as a respectable lady, Bryke still prided herself in her appearance. It didn’t matter that she was a prisoner of war, Bryke told herself, she would still be Bryke, no matter what happened. And she would be proud to be Awharian. And just like that, she was back to being impassive.

Reffer managed a small smile when he saw Bryke smooth out her dress. It hurt him to see his sister so vulnerable, and he was glad when Bryke resumed her typical stoic self.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 1 day ago #118599

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I LOOOOVE THIS!! Please keep it up, this is awesome!! And...does Cador like Bryke??? lol
melancholic/sanguine ~ infp 4 ~ rluan

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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 1 day ago #118630

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sci_geeek wrote:
I LOOOOVE THIS!! Please keep it up, this is awesome!! And...does Cador like Bryke??? lol
if you never ask that question you wouldn;'t be sci_geeek
Great job wannabewritergirl. Keep it up!
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 10 months 10 hours ago #118647

sci_geeek wrote:
I LOOOOVE THIS!! Please keep it up, this is awesome!! And...does Cador like Bryke??? lol
Maybe........just keep reading! I'm nearly done Chapter two, so will post it soon!


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 9 months 4 weeks ago #118802

Anything I can improve?


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 9 months 4 weeks ago #118823

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wannabewritergirl wrote:
Anything I can improve?
I like it! I just think you could use a bit more showing. Like you could show Reffer’s reaction when he realizes the soldier isn’t going to beat him.
Looking forward to the next part! :cheer:
“Pray and pray and pray, and if that doesn’t work, listen to what God is telling you to do!” -- random 5 year old.

#greatmindsthinkalike
Warning: anything you say can -- and probably will -- be used as writing inspiration
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 9 months 4 weeks ago #118832

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BookwormJo wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
Anything I can improve?
I like it! I just think you could use a bit more showing. Like you could show Reffer’s reaction when he realizes the soldier isn’t going to beat him.
Looking forward to the next part! :cheer:
I agree...and I can't think of anything else to fix! I love this story!!
melancholic/sanguine ~ infp 4 ~ rluan

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"what's past is prologue." - william shakespeare
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 9 months 4 weeks ago #118875

BookwormJo wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
Anything I can improve?
I like it! I just think you could use a bit more showing. Like you could show Reffer’s reaction when he realizes the soldier isn’t going to beat him.
Looking forward to the next part! :cheer:
Thanks.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 9 months 4 weeks ago #118879

sci_geeek wrote:
BookwormJo wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
Anything I can improve?
I like it! I just think you could use a bit more showing. Like you could show Reffer’s reaction when he realizes the soldier isn’t going to beat him.
Looking forward to the next part! :cheer:
I agree...and I can't think of anything else to fix! I love this story!!
As y'all know, Bryke was chained up next to Cador, I'm doing this scene where they're sleeping for the first night since they were captured. Bryke is wishing that she was chained up next to Reffer, so at least she could rest her head on her brother. (Sibling love) but she wasn't, and as people tend to move toward heat when they are sleeping, Bryke moves closer to Cador, and well cuddles up, (Is that cheesy?) Cador notices, but Bryke doesn't (She's fast asleep). Cador doesn't want to wake her up, because they've all had a bad day. I'm not sure how to write it, without writing it in Cador's perspective, because this story is all from Reffer and Bryke's POV. Can someone give me a suggestion?


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 9 months 3 weeks ago #118892

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wannabewritergirl wrote:
sci_geeek wrote:
BookwormJo wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
Anything I can improve?
I like it! I just think you could use a bit more showing. Like you could show Reffer’s reaction when he realizes the soldier isn’t going to beat him.
Looking forward to the next part! :cheer:
I agree...and I can't think of anything else to fix! I love this story!!
As y'all know, Bryke was chained up next to Cador, I'm doing this scene where they're sleeping for the first night since they were captured. Bryke is wishing that she was chained up next to Reffer, so at least she could rest her head on her brother. (Sibling love) but she wasn't, and as people tend to move toward heat when they are sleeping, Bryke moves closer to Cador, and well cuddles up, (Is that cheesy?) Cador notices, but Bryke doesn't (She's fast asleep). Cador doesn't want to wake her up, because they've all had a bad day. I'm not sure how to write it, without writing it in Cador's perspective, because this story is all from Reffer and Bryke's POV. Can someone give me a suggestion?
Well...will Reffer be nearby? Maybe he can be having trouble falling asleep and wakes up to see how Bryke is doing, and see her cuddle up against Cador.
melancholic/sanguine ~ infp 4 ~ rluan

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old soul, free spirit, and moderate pluviophile

"what's past is prologue." - william shakespeare
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 9 months 3 weeks ago #118928

sci_geeek wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
sci_geeek wrote:
BookwormJo wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
Anything I can improve?
I like it! I just think you could use a bit more showing. Like you could show Reffer’s reaction when he realizes the soldier isn’t going to beat him.
Looking forward to the next part! :cheer:
I agree...and I can't think of anything else to fix! I love this story!!
As y'all know, Bryke was chained up next to Cador, I'm doing this scene where they're sleeping for the first night since they were captured. Bryke is wishing that she was chained up next to Reffer, so at least she could rest her head on her brother. (Sibling love) but she wasn't, and as people tend to move toward heat when they are sleeping, Bryke moves closer to Cador, and well cuddles up, (Is that cheesy?) Cador notices, but Bryke doesn't (She's fast asleep). Cador doesn't want to wake her up, because they've all had a bad day. I'm not sure how to write it, without writing it in Cador's perspective, because this story is all from Reffer and Bryke's POV. Can someone give me a suggestion?
Well...will Reffer be nearby? Maybe he can be having trouble falling asleep and wakes up to see how Bryke is doing, and see her cuddle up against Cador.
Yes, They are chained up in a line, in this order, Dathan, Reffer, Cador, then Bryke.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 9 months 3 weeks ago #119153

Here is chapter 2 everybody. After reading these first 2 chapters, what do you think the title of this story should be? I’m really bad at coming up with titles, so any suggestions are welcomed. As usual, let me know what you think I could improve.

Chapter 2

Maserian soldiers walked to and fro, many carrying chests filled with articles from the ancient temple dedicated to The True One.

And for the first time since they were captured, Dathan spoke, “We are being punished for our sins.”

When he saw their confused expression, he hurriedly explained. “We ignored The True One, we worshiped other gods, and he is punishing us for our sins, the sins the King committed, the sins of all our people.”

Cador agreed, “This is all because of the King, his feast and parties are an insult to The True One.”

Frowning, Reffer said, “King Mohiakim’s actions are disgraceful, that is why The True One is punishing us. But I don’t know why we have to suffer for something the king chose to do. We don’t take part in the rites and rituals of the worship of the god Sataarn and goddess Shavii. Why is The True One punishing us as well?”

“But you do attend the ceremonies held in honour of them.” Dathan replied.

“That is because it is required of all the nobles and their families to attend.” Reffer retorted, “You attend them as well.”

Dathan sighed, “You didn’t take a stand against wrong, we all didn’t. That is why The True One is punishing us. The True One even sent the Prophet Jeridiash to warn the King, to appeal to the people to repent, but what did the people do? They refused to listen and even shunned the prophet. You know what we should do? We should take a vow, a vow to stand up for what is right, to uphold all of The True One’s laws. No matter what happens to us.”

Bryke joined the conversation, “I agree with Dathan.”

Nodding, Cador added, “We are captives, prisoners of war. This vow will give us strength to endure whatever is heading our way. The True One will strengthen and protect us if we honour and obey him.”



Once all the prisoners had all been placed in fetters, the company began to march toward the city gates. As they passed through the gate and headed toward the Maserian army camp, Reffer started to feel sorry for himself. He wondered what their fate would be. Would they survive the grueling journey to Maseria? Would they be separated and sold to different masters? If so, would he ever see Bryke again?

As they passed between the ranks of sneering, cursing soldiers, Reffer felt very helpless and weak. He glanced over to Bryke to see how she was doing. Not surprisingly, she was calm and collected, but her eyes reflected otherwise. Reffer reached around Cador and squeezed Bryke’s hand reassuringly.

In time, they were taken to General Morembi, the second in command of the Maserian army. General Morembi was a tall man, with a neat little mustache that curled up at the end. He walked about with an air of importance, inspecting each of the prisoners. Moving back and forth along the line of captives, he eyed each one critically. Bryke wondered if he was evaluating their worth for the slave markets in Maseria. She prayed that he wouldn’t separate her from her brother. Losing Reffer would be devastating. But to Bryke’s relief, they weren’t separated, but there were many others who were not as fortunate. Several of their group were taken away and moved to a different group.

They didn’t stay in the Maserian camp for long, for a trumpet soon blew, and the army moved out. The long march to Maseria had begun. Awharia’s capital was in ruins, and its citizens either dead, or taken captive. The ancient temple of The True One had been ransacked, and all its articles taken.


The scorching sun shone relentlessly on the prisoners. They haven’t taken any breaks since morning, and Bryke was starting to feel a bit dizzy from the scalding heat. Her throat parched, and the skin on her wrists and feet were raw. To her relief, the soldiers finally called a halt. Soldiers strode along the line of prisoners and threw a piece of bread to each captive. A young boy came over carrying a bucket of water. As he ladled out a dipper full for each prisoner, Bryke smiled at him, and gratefully drank the water. The break wasn’t long, and soon the company was moving on again.

When the caravan finally stopped again, it was evening, and the Maserian soldiers made camp and prepared to bed down for the night. The ground was rough and rocky, and Reffer couldn’t sleep. All night, he lay thinking about what could have been different, if only King Mohiakim had listened to the warnings, and obeyed The True One. After staring at the starry sky for what seemed like forever, He finally drifted off to a troubled sleep.

Lying on the ground, Bryke wished that she had been chained next to Reffer instead of Cador. If she had been, she could at least rest her head on him. Sighing to herself, she curled up into a ball, and tried to make herself as comfortable as she could.

A gentle nudge on Reffer’s shoulders woke him up. Reffer shot Dathan an annoyed look, But Dathan ignored it.

“Turn around.” Dathan said.

Reffer turned towards Cador and Bryke and gasped. They were both asleep, and Bryke had snuggled up to Cador. Stifling a snicker, Reffer tapped Cador and woke him up.

“What is going on?” Cador mumbled sleepily. Then his eyes grew wide. Blushing madly, he whispered,“What should I do? Should I wake her up?”

Reffer just grinned and shook his head, “No, let her sleep.”

“But she’s a girl-”

“You two will be fine, I trust you, plus if you do anything stupid, remember I’m the best wrestler in our whole class.” With that Reffer turned around, leaving Cador wondering what he should do.

Reffer smiled to himself, at last there was something to brighten up their day on this fateful night.

The next morning, the prisoners were abruptly woken up by the loud shouts of the Maserian soldiers. Immediately all the good feelings Reffer had gained the previous night fled. After the soldiers threw stale bread to the captives, the army broke camp.

With every step the prisoners took, their spirits dropped. The heat was practically unbearable, and they found themselves growing weaker and weaker by the day. After about a month of marching, a giant walled city could be seen in the distance.

Eventually, the captives found themselves in front of the huge gateway into Cashen, the capital of Maseria. The city was very impressive, its surrounding walls looked impenetrable. There were many figures of dragons carved into it. Bryke was awestruck by the massiveness of the city, it was at least five times larger than the capital of Awharia.

As the captives were marched through the city, Reffer noticed that there were lots of statues and shrines to Maserian gods and goddesses everywhere. Reffer remembered studying foreign gods with his tutor, so he recognized many of them. One especially stood out to him, the goddess of beauty, Mavericka. The statue of her in the center of the city was huge.

The prisoners were then taken to a large room where scribes and officials looked them up and down. Their life as a captive in Maseria had begun.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 8 months 4 weeks ago #119943

I'm working on Chapter 5, right now.

For all of you who were not in the doc when the website went down, y'all can read everything I've written so far here.

docs.google.com/document/d/12FwqITHvJNrp...lQI/edit?usp=sharing


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 7 months 4 weeks ago #123487

Chapter 5 is finished! I must say, thank-you for checking on it regularly and giving me feedback !


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 7 months 4 weeks ago #123488

Chapter 5 is finished! I must say, thank-you for checking on it regularly and giving me feedback !


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 7 months 4 weeks ago #123507

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wannabewritergirl wrote:
Chapter 5 is finished! I must say, thank-you for checking on it regularly and giving me feedback !
np
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 4 months 2 weeks ago #128504

I ended up combining the chapters. Should I have longer chapters but less. Or more shorter chapters.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 4 months 2 weeks ago #128517

wannabewritergirl wrote:
sci_geeek wrote:
BookwormJo wrote:
wannabewritergirl wrote:
Anything I can improve?
I like it! I just think you could use a bit more showing. Like you could show Reffer’s reaction when he realizes the soldier isn’t going to beat him.
Looking forward to the next part! :cheer:
I agree...and I can't think of anything else to fix! I love this story!!
As y'all know, Bryke was chained up next to Cador, I'm doing this scene where they're sleeping for the first night since they were captured. Bryke is wishing that she was chained up next to Reffer, so at least she could rest her head on her brother. (Sibling love) but she wasn't, and as people tend to move toward heat when they are sleeping, Bryke moves closer to Cador, and well cuddles up, (Is that cheesy?) Cador notices, but Bryke doesn't (She's fast asleep). Cador doesn't want to wake her up, because they've all had a bad day. I'm not sure how to write it, without writing it in Cador's perspective, because this story is all from Reffer and Bryke's POV. Can someone give me a suggestion?
i have read some books where the main characters have passed out of the situation but the author continues just to add a little more realism
you could do that, kinda just revealing a little of cador's feelings at the moment *cheeky grin*
oh wait, cheeky is to describe a girl ugh *wink and smile*
#heh
what do i type here?



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wannabewritergirl’s stories and such 4 months 1 week ago #128542

There will definitely be more Bryke/Cador coming up.


Writers Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you.

YouTube Channels:

Stories of Faith: www.youtube.com/channel/UCudEpP-KJhonYokRNIMC6pg
Kute Kitties: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEvdHXKaaITP_cGYgBRYaw
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