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TOPIC: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long.

Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 1 week ago #14545

OK...I'm really confused here...I have this friend, (Cat, short for Catherine) and we've been friends for two years now. When I first met her, she was really nice and everything, and we were really good friends. After a few months, my family began to dislike her, because of how she treated my brother sometimes and how she acted. Now I know how much she affected me. Before I met her, I was a pretty good kid. But after I met her, I went downhill. I started sassing my parents, hitting my bro and being rough with him, and everything else. I started lying a lot, (thankfully, now I never lie) and disobeying my parents. Then, last fall, I started to notice something. She always expected me to do whatever she told me. Like she would say stuff like, "EMILY ISABELLE HONG (that's my full name) GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!!" and stuff, and I would usually just do it. Which was mistake number one. And then Natali, (my bff) came to New Brunswick from Manitoba. She was nothing like Cat. We didn't become good friends right away, but I found myself wanting to be with Natali way more than Cat. Then this spring, I went down to Florida for two months. My grandpa is dying right now so that's why we went. When I first got down there, I missed Cat, but I missed Natali more. Then...things REALLY went downhill. Cat started calling every single day. Seriously. Every single day. My grandparents didn't mind at all, but I did. Then Cat started complaining about Natali, and that did it. I exploded. We got into a big argument, with me defending Natali and Cat just saying lies and stuff. After that, I didn't like Cat. She still called every single day, during meals, family events, everything. Whenever someone said "Catherine's calling!" I always replied "Ignore it!". Finally, I answered and told her not to call until next week, because were going to stay in a hotel for a while and I didn't want to receive one call from her at all. Then, after a while of that, we had a huge fight. I was yelling at her, and she was crying. I have a really hot temper, and I was really angry that time. After I got back from FL, I still hadn't REALLY forgiven her. I was still slightly mad. Then I forgave her and we were really good friends again. Mistake number two. Then recently, we had another fight, and I hung up on her three times. I've never hung up on anybody in my life, no matter how mad I was. So Cat was really shocked. She was lying that everybody in the church think that I'm ruining Natali by calling a lot, which is untrue. Only three people even know that I call her, never mind how often. I didn't forgive Cat for two days, but she still called me anyways. Now I have no idea what to do. I know that I will never trust her again for a good friendship, but I can't stop being friends with her. That's too complicated and would take too long to explain. Can someone please help?? I've already prayed a lot about this... :(
Emily
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 6 days ago #14727

  • Gogirl
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Hi SDAhorsegirl! it sounds like you have been having trouble :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: does Catherine have any other friends than you? if not maybe that's the problem that she has no friends, also she shoudn't tell off your brother either, you should tell her not too :dry: i will pray lots for you and your friend

P.S. when she calls your name like that don't come. :pinch:
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 5 days ago #14772

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...i dont mean to be rude but Cat sounds like a pain in the kneck :dry:

since you have already mentioned that she was a bad influence on you, that should be a sign that the friendship needs to end. you said she was pretty much controlling you which makes you more like a robot to her than a friend. Natali on the other hand, seems like a fairly decent friend. my advice to you is to lovingly tell Cat what you think (calmly ;) ) and be friends with Natali. if you feel that you cant let Cat go then suggest to her to let natali into the group. if she refuses then you guys just need to go separate ways :( :) good luck
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 5 days ago #14783

  • Godsadvicegiver12
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Hmmm. THat sounds like a tough situation. One thing you could do is sit down together and both pray about or try to nicely talk it out. Sounds like you are being pulled two directions which is hard because it has happened to me before, not quite that harsh, but it has happened to me before.

The advice that i usually gives comes up again. KEEP PRAYING ABOUT IT! Pray that God's will will be done.

-Hannah-
You don't have to be Goliath to succeed, Little Davids can succeed, too :)
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 5 days ago #14791

  • TheCoolNerd
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This is a sticky situation. You don't want to hurt the girls feelings but you don't want to be friends. Tell Cat that you still want to be friends but you want to hang out with other people. A real friend would understand, if she doesn't she's not a true friend
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\/ )
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 5 days ago #14807

  • happygirl11234
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don't you guys just hate these kind of friends? @SDAhorsegirl, it sounds to me like Cat doesn't miss your friendship, she just misses all the attention you give her, and now she misses all the drama that surrounds her when you guys fight. end it for good. all this stress over a person who has proven herself to be unworthy of your friendship is not heart healthy, both figuratively and literally. she'll just have to find someone else who will play her game.
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 3 days ago #14854

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I'm sooo sorry! :( you shouldn't hav to go through that :( :(
I agree with happygirl11234. she needs to know that you arent going to go along with her little game. And God will help you to be strong.

Hang in there girl ;) , ill be praying for you
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 3 days ago #14856

@Gogirl yeah she does have friends. She has quite a few that lives down the road from her, or that she talks to everyday. But a lot of her friends have ditched her, and I understand why. Cat always talks about herself, what happened to her, and about her stuff. And then when I was down in Florida, I got some new stuff and I was telling her about it, and she called me a spoiled brat and then laughed like it was funny. Her family doesn't have a lot of money, so I think she was just jealous or something. Idk. But it seems like she doesn't care about me that much. Sometimes she'll be really sweet and nice and awesome. But other times I wish she was out of my life forever. Know what I mean? Some of you have said for me to stop being friends with her, which is the sensible thing to do. But it's not that easy. I go to a very, very, VERY small church. It's really small. And if I dumped her, she would spread lies about me all over the church, her mom would make trouble for me, and people would also think I'm not a nice girl, because they don't know what Cat is really like. So they would think it's my fault that our friendship didn't work out.
Emily
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 3 days ago #15001

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Oh ok..... ;) she shouldn't call you a spoiled brat :sick: :pinch: have you told her about what your saying on guide? ( just curious ) if she doesn't care for you that much why are u still friends with her? :dry: tell her why she's sometimes nice and sometimes not nice......why would u think she would spread lies in the church? is she a church friend? i'm very sorry about what happened with u and Cat, if she does spread lies, just pray to God that the people will not believe and she will change into a better person.

P.S. another thing to do is invite her over to your house and have your own little bible study, when she wants to ask something just answer her and tell her more verses from the bible about lying all of that stuff, she might listen. ( If she wants to argue don't go back at her and argue it's not a good idea). :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: ;)
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 3 days ago #15019

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so not all friendships work out... big deal! it won't be the last time a friendship doesn't work out the way you want it to. that's just part of being a human. sad, but oh well!

if it's a very small church... then people will know the real you. she can spread all the lies she wants, but people won't just automatically begin thinking you're "not a nice girl" if your actions say otherwise. because actions speak louder than words, right? so just continue being nice. no arguments, please. it's better to just walk away if you sense one of those coming. this might FEEL like a difficult situation, but it's really much much simpler than you're making it out to be!
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 3 days ago #15028

  • dancer4god
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Um... Have you talked to your parents about Cat? To be honest, that and prayer is where I would start.
~God's love, wack-a-doodles, and fluffy poodles~
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 1 day ago #15136

OK, first of all, I'd like to thank everyone for all their advice. I didn't think a lot of people would reply. @Gogirl, No, I haven't told her what I'm saying. She would FLIP if she knew. @happygirl1234, She knows that she can't boss me around anymore. Believe me, I think I've let loose on her enough for her to know. Seriously, I got so fed up a couple times, she was crying because of what I said. :oops: @dancer4god, Well, yes and no. My parents definitely know that Cat has given me difficulties, and they know that I was really angry at Cat for a period of time. But I haven't really talked about anything else, because I'm not really one to talk to my parents about stuff like this.
Emily
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 1 day ago #15137

  • Godsadvicegiver12
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SDAhorsegirl, me neither. I am not the type to be talking to my parents about everything, so some friends no more then they do on what I am writing etc.

Back to the subject, THis is a hard situation. Do you have any adult friends that are caring and compassionate that you feel comfortable talking to? You could try talking to them about it.
You don't have to be Goliath to succeed, Little Davids can succeed, too :)
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 1 day ago #15143

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First thing to do is pray. Then, you should tell your parents. They will have really good advice to give you, and your parents can talk with Cat's parents. Also, think about why she might be acting like that. Maybe something happened in her family that she hasn't told anybody. She's losing control of practically everything that happens in her life, and all that she can control is her friends, if they even do what she says. Sometimes, she might feel so down, she just blows up at people for a reason or no reason. Maybe now she's lost all her friends and there's nothing to talk about except herself. It might be nothing, even. It's not that I've been in her shoes, I've been in YOUR shoes. I used to have a friend like that, well, not quite as bad, but kind of, and I kept being friends with her. She became a much nicer person. It might not happen with Cat, and there is no problem at all with deciding maybe you guys weren't meant to be friends. Lust don't become complete enemies, either. You never know when you'll suddenly decide to want each other back.
P.S. I'm praying for you and Cat, and your grandpa. I don't know what I would do without mine! You should pray for Cat, too. Good Luck! ;)
"Art is when the mind shuts off and the heart takes its turn to speak. Whether it's music, paint, theatre, writing, or what have you; each heart has its own voice.

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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 5 years 1 day ago #15149

  • Hyperactive247
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SDAhorsegirl, I had experiences almost like what you are talking about now.
Those are the people who I label "Frenemies" They are a friend on the outside, and you make good friends at first,
but later you realize that between the two of you, that she is actually hurting you. Sometimes, it is hard to let those kinds of friends go, but I don't think that sounds like a real friend. I used to have a lot of "frenemies" when I was little. :dry: It really didn't turn out nice.
Maybe you should have a small talk with her when no one's around, and when you are both calm, and let her know what you're thinking on your friendship. If she reacts in a very violent way, and doesn't listen, pray, and ask God to help you, remember, he is our councilor and best friend in heaven. If she acts in a good way, and listens to your problem, then maybe you could restore your friendship.

Sincerely,
Hyperactive
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #15399

I have a friend like that. Keep being patient with her. Wow this is hard.... I love my friend, but she REALLY get on my nerves!!! Just try calmly telling her how you feel. If she takes it like a jerk,... WWJD. luv her like Jesu would. :side:
:kiss: xoxo
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #15464

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srry, i wuz just skimming your topic and you said something about New Brunswick. Do you live there or around there? (lol, not to be nosey, but i may know the place you r talking about... i go around there every now and then) :P
:D
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #15539

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well i think that if she treats you that way then your friendship should end :dry: and i know is not easy so the best way to do that would be to ignore her. don't answer her calls. but i know what your going threw my friend was exactly like that. but fortunately she has changed into a better person. hope all goes well. :)
<3 jesus <3
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #15665

@Bethany4God, yep, I live in New Brunswick. Although right now I'm down in FL again. :)
Emily
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #15792

  • Mile
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I had a friend like that. Except, when I noticed how bad of an influence on me she was, I tried to be a good influence on her. It didn't work right away, and trust me, I know what it feels like to have a friend that thinks you are her best friend but you really don't think she is your best friend, :sick: but I found ways to get her to stop being so hard on me. If you've already tried that, maybe you should call her and tell her that you don't like the way she treats you and if she continues to treat you that way, you'll have to stop being her friend at all. If she puts up a fight, just ignore her and hang up. Talk to your parents about it and pray that God helps you to cool down. Good Luck!
Mile
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #16783

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hey dude i know this is awful! :O btw, its me NATALI! :D hi
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #16920

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haha... wow... well, talking to both of you now, love Cat like you would want to be loved. I had a lot of issues in my life, and when I did, I was moody, upset, angry, and would just be plain rude. So maybe she has some things in her life that she's struggling with. Point her to Jesus every time you talk to her. These issues can sometimes only be stopped by prayer, trust, and love. I'll be praying for both of you girls now :) Forgive Cat, too... treat her like you'd treat Jesus. Hard, yes. But pointless? no.
A little note for you, Emily - some friends need to change before you let them be friends with you. "By beholding we become changed." you know you're being changed, but not in a good way. So don't be so close to Cat that she changes you in a bad way. Be the good influence in her life.

*hugz*
~Me
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding!
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #16929

@DaughterOfGod12, what you said makes sense. But lately, Cat has been getting mad at me constantly. Right now I'm down in Florida again, and I'm watching my grandfather die. Literally. He can't move his right side of his body, and my dad has to carry him to his bed and to the restroom. He has to use an oxygen tank. And this is just so hard for me. I've never had anyone in my family that I knew die before. And Cat doesn't even seem to understand. She thinks...I don't know what she thinks. Right now I'm having such a hard time. I was there when she needed me and when she was going through a hard time. Why isn't she here for me?
Emily
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #17228

  • Godsadvicegiver12
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SDAhorseGirl, I am really sorry that she isn't there for you, but we are! I will pray for you and your family through this hard time! I don't know why she isn't there for you, what a sad situation.

I would strongly suggest that maybe you call her up and pray with her, or even just pray for her by yourself. Has Cat ever been through a situation like you are going through?

I had to watch my Grandpa die of cancer. It was so sad! I totally know how you feel!

Through everything, remember that even if it doesn't seem like it, God is with you! He loves you! I don't know why God is letting it happen, but He has a reason! God never does ANYTHING without a reason! He loves you! He cares about you through every situation!

-Hannah-
John 3:16, Romans 8:28
You don't have to be Goliath to succeed, Little Davids can succeed, too :)
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Re: Help? I'm confused! WARNING: This will be long. Really long. 4 years 11 months ago #17274

  • lily4554
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I will pray 4 u
God rocks and I love him. Everyone go to God and he will help you.
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